it hurts less than it did last time. i haven't even really cried yet. it was on wednesday. though i cried a lot on tuesday because i think i kind of knew. he was ignoring me. not answering his phone. so i just went to his house and he broke up with me.
i think that each time that happens he takes away some part of my ability to really let myself go and really love somebody. i don't know how i am going to love again. i'm not deluding myself, but he was my big love and i won't meet somebody who makes me feel that way again. even though i'm just numb to it this time around. i've turned myself off.
immediately after he broke up with me i called max. an hour or two later we were in bed together. these things aren't all bad. it helped me feel attractive and wanted for a while and it was good and fun.
melbourne on the weekend. okkervil river and the lucksmiths. the lucksmiths were adorable and okkervil river were spine-tinglingly amazing. is it.