the hedges and the hibiscus (ivorymittens) wrote,
the hedges and the hibiscus

another boy down the drain. really, only a week was wasted on this one so it's no great loss, but i LIKE him. it's a disappointment. i feel like there's no one out there that i could like who could like me enough back to actually want to be with me. fuck and run, etc etc. [i can feel it in my bones, i'm going to spend my whole life alone]. i kind of hope that his indecisive mind takes over again and decides to give it a shot, but even if that happened i know i shouldn't accept it because he's been wishy washy this whole time. and he did say some kind of mean things. he said that my forwardness (is that a word?) "scares the shit out of him". and something about me sleeping with max after our first "disagreement" (his word, the first time he decided we should 'just be friends') messed him up or something. apparently. i guess i shouldn't have told him that. or maybe i shouldn't have done it... nahhh. there was no reason why that wasn't okay.

oh well. he talks to me on the facebook chat all the time. i don't really understand what's happening. i suppose i don't need to understand it, but i struggle with wanting to KNOW everything. i need to settle for it just being a no.

i didn't get this the first time around. now, i get it. sometimes it takes being in a certain frame of mind.

i'm drunk,
i'm drunk, and you're probably on pills.
if we've both got the same diseases,
it's irrelevant, girl.
and the room fills with steam,
oh, evaporates, disappears,
my point of entry is the same way that i leave.

it takes more than fucking someone you don't know to keep warm,
do you really think that for house beat you'll find your love in a hole?

you won't find love in a, won't find love in a hole.
it takes more than fucking someone to keep yourself warm.

it's so cold. i can see my breath in my bedroom.

i've been listening to and enjoying a lot of hiphop.

there is a lot happening in the hobart music scene in the next month. it's exciting.

and that's my life for now.

i will never love you more than anything.
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